What the University Handbooks Don't Tell You

1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Asleep by 2:30 A.M. is an early night.
3. Make sure your alarm clock has back up batteries and is turned on.
4. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch tape or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)
5. Showers become less important.
6. Sleep becomes more important.
7. Two meals a day are standard. One for some.
8. Recycling becomes synonymous with laundry: “Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas...there’s only a 'little' bit of mud on them..."
9. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class.
10. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
11. You begin to nap again.
12. Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.
13. Isn’t it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?
14. Squirt guns = stress relief.
15. E-mail becomes your second language.
16. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you’d never know, but you could recite last week’s episode of “F*R*I*E*N*D*S”.
17. See every movie under $3 that your campus provides; it’s actually proportional to the amount of money you have.
18. The health service attendants are there because they couldn’t make it in a real hospital; never ever forget that.
19. Frisbee becomes a contact sport.
20. Care packages rank up there with birthdays.
21. You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression...it’s not.
22. You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.
23. Any game can be made into a drinking game.
24. Disney movies are more than just classics. (This also applies to Muppet movies.)
25. Phone calls almost never happen.
26. ATM’s are the devil’s advocate.
27. You almost forget how to drive.
28. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.
29. Ordering food at 1 A.M. is a common occurrence.
30. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.
31. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
32. You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temps, and roommates snoring.
33. You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria.
34. You begin to realize that university is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
35. You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not.
36. Procrastination becomes an art.
37. Going to the grocery store is a major treat.
38. Amount of alcohol consumed is inversely proportional to grade point average.
39. You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.
40. Care packages make it all worthwhile.
41. You just don’t learn last names.
42. Your teachers just went from Mr. and Mrs. to Prof.
43. Card games never lasted for hours before.
44. It’s amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class takes an average of two seconds.
45. Your life will never be the same again!!!

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