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How Can This Be?
Setting: During "The Prom" episode; from Buffy’s POV
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: These characters aren’t mine...I’m just borrowing them. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, etc. The song "Show Me The Meaning" is by Backstreet Boys.
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I stared at Angel, my ears disbelieving the devastating words that were uttered from his mouth. My eyes slowly filled with tears as I realized this was the end. The one I thought would always be by my side was leaving me, and nothing I said could change his mind. I tried to breathe, but it was as if all the air had been choked out of me. My heart felt as if a dagger had been plunged into it without the possibility of it ever being removed.
I looked up at his face and saw the agony he was experiencing. I stared deep into his eyes and found the love he wouldn’t let burst forth. To utter these words was killing him almost as much as it was tearing me apart inside. I futilely tried to understand why this was happening. He had said it was for my own good, so I could have some sort of normal life. How ironic.
As a slayer I would never be normal or be able to live any kind of normal existence. The worst part was that I didn’t even want that anymore. The only person I ever wanted to be with was Angel. He is part of my soul, my destiny. Our lives would forever be inexplicably intertwined. I need him, and I know he feels the same. We’ve saved each other in more ways than one, and we’ve literally been to Hell and back. And for us to just throw everything away to grasp at some aspect of normalcy? I realize now I can’t live without him. I dealt with the loss of him once, but I don’t think I can cope with this again. It almost pushed me over the edge the first time, and I never want to feel like that again. Angel is my soulmate; my life, love, and destiny. We belong together.
* * *
I remember thinking those exact thoughts as I dragged myself over to Willow’s house the next day. She’s been the only one to understand everything I’ve gone through with Angel. I just sat there on her bed, staring at my best friend, my eyes pleading with her to help me. The whole story gushed forth, and I felt the tears flowing down my face. The pain was so intense that I felt like I would die. She just held me as I sobbed my heart out, feeling it shatter into a million pieces, beyond the ability to ever be repaired. Willow gave me a reason to keep on living and to fight for my life. Music notes drifted on the wind from a distance as I cling to my friend, trying to repair my anguished soul.
Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It’s hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are
There’s something missing in my heart
Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
There’s no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are
There’s something missing in my heart
The nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you’re asking me to feel
The things you never show
You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are
There’s something missing in my heart
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