I've had a dream
All of my life.
I always created art
For fun and enjoyment.
It took longer to realize
I had a specific dream,
So education came later
Than it should have.
I gave it my all,
Trying always,
Never quite reaching
The "expectations".
Told I was OK, but
Needed to work harder;
Told that I suck and
Should give up my art.
Put down when I
Was supposed to be taught,
My fragile self-esteem plummetted.
A breakthrough, finally--
I had talent, but
Needed to nurture it.
I got the degree but
Continually had self-doubt.
Private lessons told me
I wasn't trying hard enough.
Was I really serious?
Real-life interfered with
The education, the dream.
No one understood.
The real-world stepped in,
Limiting the chase of a dream.
Left teacherless, I struggled,
Trying to learn without
The guidance, the encouragement.
Was it worth it?
Could I cut it?
Never believeing in myself,
My dream stayed strong,
But the chase slowed down.
I'm not good enough.
Why even try?
Then a ray of hope:
A school that really wanted me.
Somewhere I could learn and
Thrive, gain knowledge.
That too came crashing in--
No way to pay...still looking.
Will it ever happen?
Can I make it without
More of a foundation?
Peers give art advice:
"Hang in there" and "Just try,"
But THEIR work speaks for itself,
Screaming "See how great I am?"
When you're like me,
You don't have that benefit.
Each day I feel my dreams
Slipping further and further
From my grasp.
Can I hang on?
Can I really make it?
Will I ever be good enough?
Am I letting everyone down?
I try to keep my dreams
Alive in my heart.
Someday we'll get there.
As hopeless as it seems,
Can I really give up?
Something I've always wanted,
My dreams stick with me.
Struggling valiantly and
Clinging to bare shreds of self-esteem,
I plod on through life,
Keeping the dream alive,
Nurturing hope that one day,
Things will get better.
I have to try.
Must keep the dream
From dying.
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