Straight from the horse's mouth...BtVS: Season 4




Here are some quotes from my favorite TV show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are divided up by episodes in chronological order. Not all episodes are represented.



The Freshmen

Your mistake was in touching my stuff. --Buffy

Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger…no wait. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side…hold on…. Hate... no. First you get the women, then you get the money, then you get... okay forget all of that. --Xander




Living Conditions

Didn't we put the grrr in girl? --Willow

That's because he got hit with the Buffinator. Now he's powerless. --Xander

That was the evil twin, right? Because that was bordering on Cordelia-esque. --Willow on Buffy

Willow: Happy Hunting.
Buffy: Wish me monsters.

Giles: You took your roommate patrolling with you?
Buffy: I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one who could make it.




The Harsh Light of Day

Can we eat a doctor so I can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating? --Harmony

And you know what the thing was? The whole time I was with Parker, I kept thinking, “Wow, look at me with someone that isn't Angel. Look how this is not all about Angel.” How could I have been so blind? --Buffy (cut from script)

To me, a lot of the time, it feels like stuff's just coming at me, you know, and I'm reacting as fast as I can, just trying to keep going. Just…just trying to be on my feet before the next thing hits. --Buffy (cut from script)

What a fantastic day. The birds are singing. Squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels. --Spike

This gem is everything. I came back to Sunnydale for it --a place which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass. --Spike

Anya? The last time I saw you, you were fleeing in terror. How'd that work out for you? --Xander





Fear Itself

Yeah, and if Parker shows up we’ll ax-murder him. That’s Halloween-y. --Willow

Xander: Who's the little fear demon? Come on. Who's the little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why? Can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just tacky.




Beer Bad

Just how gullible do you think I am? --Willow

Parker bad. --Buffy

TV is a good thing. Bright colors. Music. Tiny little people. --Buffy

Xander: And was there a lesson in all of this? What have we learned about beer?
Buffy: Foamy.




Wild At Heart

You’re the wolf all the time. This human face is just a disguise. Did you ever think about that, Oz? --Veruca

Oz...now would be the time for your trademark stoicism. --Buffy

Yeah, she's quell Fiona. Color me bored. --Buffy

Willow: Oz... don't you love me...?
Oz: My whole life, I’ve never loved anything else.





The Initiative

You’re kinda like a moron. --Forest

She's peculiar! --Riley

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find something slutty to wear tonight. --Buffy

I've seen honest faces…they usually come attached to liars. --Willow

And, uh, "they" are? The government? Nazis? A major cosmetics company? --Spike

Here I am, spent weeks trying, uh, t-to get a single scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors and no one bothers to tell me that Buffy's dating one of them?! --Giles

Riley: What's a Slayer?
Forrest: Slayer? Thrash band. Anvil-heavy guitar rock with delusions of Black Sabbath.

Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Willow: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again...Dammit!
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me, it doesn't!
Willow: It's me, isn't it?
Spike: What are you talking about?
Willow: Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around.
Spike: Piffle!
Willow: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, “Oh, you're like a sister to me,” or “Oh, you're such a good friend.”
Spike: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Willow: Really?
Spike: Thought about it.
Willow: When?
Spike: Remember last year? You had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath.
Willow: I never would have guessed. You played the bloodlust kinda cool.
Spike: Mmmm. I hate being obvious. Being all fangy and “Rrrr.” Takes the mystery out.
Willow: But if you could...
Spike: If I could, yeah.
Willow: You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.
Spike: Don't patronize me! I'm only a hundred and twenty-six!
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again?




Pangs

A bear! You made a bear! --Spike

Who’s that guy? --Angel

Oh, right. Yes, yes. Always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as "bloody colonials." --Giles

Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me? An entire siege --you'd think one of you would bleed a little. --Spike

I am saying Spike took a little trip to the vet and now he doesn’t chase the other puppies anymore. --Spike




Something Blue

Warm breeze brushes and sways the leaves and again you're registering as Mr. and Mrs. Big Pile Of Dust. --Spike

Part of me believes that real love all the fire and the passion goes hand in hand with the pain. --Buffy

Spike and I are getting married! --Buffy

Can I be blind, too? --Xander

Well fine. Why doesn’t she just go and marry him? --Willow

Buffy: Oh, look at my...poor neck? All bare and tender and exposed...all that blood just...pumping away...
Giles: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop!




Hush

You think she's special? Wow, first 486 times you told me it didn't register, but now I see that you think she's special. --Forrest

We have to talk. --Riley to Buffy

You did this to me! --Xander to Spike

Xander: How do we kill them?
[Buffy makes staking motion but is interpreted by others as something else.]

Giles: What do they want?
[Willow points to her heart.]
Xander: They want boobies?

Spike:We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.
Giles: We are out of Wheat-a-Bix, because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.

Spike: Xander... [mimicking Anya]
Xander: Shut up.
Spike: But we never taaaalk. [mimicking Anya]
Xander: Shush.
Spike: Xaaaaan-der... [mimicking Anya]
Xander: Shaddup!




Doomed

NO! --Buffy to Riley

I was trained to be sneaky and stuff and I'm like, "Hi, paint-ball, just passing by!" --Riley

Meanwhile, day by day, you pretend to be Riley Finn...corn fed Iowa boy. --Buffy

Let's go fight that evil! For the sake of Christmas and puppies! --Spike

Giles: The end of the world.
Willow and Xander: Again?!

Willow: So, naturally they're dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: "Aftershock Party."
Buffy: Ah. This from the dorm that brought us the "Somebody Sneezed Party" and the "Day that ends in 'Y' Party."




A New Man

Let's make this fast. I have better things to do tonight than kill. --Buffy

She is the truest soul I've ever known. --Riley on Buffy

And you’re what, shocked and disappointed? I’m evil. --Spike

With bitter enemies, we don't give them my lamp! -- Xander

I'm back and I'm a bloody animal! --Spike

Riley: You're in charge. You're like, make the plan, execute the plan. No one giving you orders.
Buffy: I'm the Slayer.

Riley: You're really strong, like Spider-Man strong.
Buffy: Yeah...but I don't stick to stuff.

Buffy: Are you just saying that 'cause you hate Riley's boss?
Giles: No...although I do hate her...quite a lot.





The I in Team

Check out the ingredients...loaded with fatty goodness. --Xander

That's OK. Danger's my birthright. --Buffy

Am I supposed to salute you? --Buffy

Professor Walsh, that simple little recon you sent me on wasn't a raccoon. Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons. If you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out. --Buffy

Don't come banging down my door when Teen Witch's spells go wonky! --Spike

Willow: You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend.
Anya: Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.

Riley: She's joking.
Prof. Walsh: Don't worry. I don't do it very often.




Goodbye Iowa

I've got to hand it to you, Goldilocks. You do have a bleeding tragic taste in men. --Spike

You think that Riley was out knitting booties for your future offspring while Maggie was stringing you up? --Spike





This Year's Girl

What'd you think, I'd wake up and we'd go for tea? --Faith

Little miss goody two shoes? Ain't gonna happen, B. --Faith






Superstar

Finally, somebody brought out the big guns. --Graham




New Moon Rising

Love isn’t logical, Riley. --Buffy




Restless

I wear the cheese, it does not wear me. --Cheese Guy

I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm going to be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out. And I don't sleep on a bag of bones. Now give me back my friends. --Buffy

You think you know... What's to come... What you are... You haven't even begun. --Tara





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