How to Brighten Your Day By Annoying Others

1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.
2. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up.”
6. Reply to everything someone says with “That’s what YOU think.”
7. Practice making fax and modem noises.
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
9. Make beeping noises when you back up.
10. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.”
11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
12. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
13. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others you “like it that way.”
15. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
17. Honk and wave to strangers.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. type only in lowercase.
21. Don t use any punctuation either
22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: ”Do you hear that?”. “What?”. “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
25. Try playing the ‘William Tell Overture’ by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
26. Ask people what gender they are.
27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
28. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
29. Sing along at the opera.
30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
32. Tell your friends 5 days prior, that you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.

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